Swine Flu Hits America: Combination of Funny Name and Almost 10 Unconfirmed Cases Inspires Media's Biggest Boner Since Lewinsky-Gate.
Obama Releases Torture Memos. America is Shocked That Something Bush Used was Used.
Kim Jong Il Announces Book Deal With Penguin Press; Holding Your Breath: 101 Ways to Get Attention When Crying and Pounding the Floor Become Passe.
Arlen Specter Plays Turncoat. Republicans Split Into Two Camps: Those Who Claimed Specter Eats Babies for Breakfast After He Voted for the Stimulus, Those Who Claimed Specter Eats Babies for Breakfast After He Voted for the Stimulus and Can't Believe He Took it Personally.
Limbaugh Excited Over Potential for a 'Real Republican' Senator From Pennsylvania, Pops (Medically-Induced) Boner Bigger Than the Drive-Bys'.
Britain Announces Pull-Out in Iraq. The Small Neighborhood Its Troops Patrolled Will Miss Them.
Chrysler Files for Raisins.
Dave Gets First 'A' in Grad School.