Sunday, August 26, 2012

Facebook's Value

is currently $19.41.  Maybe it would be worth more if it was good for more than just two things: attention-seeking (which is why all my blog posts get posted on my Facebook), and stalking. It's also good for shorting (back to talking stock prices), but that's only because investors are apparently as deft as we knew they were. Within the attention-seeking value of Facebook we identify two subgroups: complaining (e.g., feel bad for me, this thing happened and I wasn't willing to confront the perpetrator because I was scared and/or it wasn't societally acceptable so I'm foisting it upon you instead, etc.) and braggadociousness (e.g., my use of 'braggadociousness' is pretty fucking awesome). In this note I do both, because, as has been established via myriad mediums, I'm pretty awesome.

So I ran the Turning Stone half marathon this morning, and it really reinforced how big of assholes runners are. After the race I watched the finals of a four day billiards tournament, got some chow, and just wandered around watching old people transfer their children's inheritance to some Indian Nation one 50¢ lever pull at a time. By this point I'd changed, sporting a nondescript t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. Yet I kept seeing people walking around with their numbers still safety pinned to their shirts and wearing the medal around their necks (every finisher gets a medal - it's like an elementary school track meet). Good job, you finished, congratulations. But seriously, you look like an asshole wearing that ribbon around your neck. Besides, it's heavy and the ribbon has sharp threads poking out. It can't be comfortable. You're uncomfortable to boot? That makes you an asshole and an idiot. I'm not impressed.

The reason I'm not impressed is because I beat you (get ready for the complaining-to-braggadociousness transition). How do I know I beat you? Because real runners win real hardware.

Now give me some likes.