Following much pressure from attention-crazed media whores, the state of Hawaii has officially released Obama's long-form birth certificate (something, btw, it does not do as a matter of standard protocol - even for Presidents). Validating much suspicion from the aforementioned whores, the certificate, while confirming the man is a US citizen, also states that he is a Muslim. Congratulations to those who held strong through everything, never shying away in the face of minimal media criticism. And a special thanks goes out to all those who provided a national platform for the incendiary accusations over the past three years; CNN, Fox, et. al.: we couldn't have done it without you.